Monday Motivation May 23, 2011

Make it Happen

It’s Monday. The good news is the world didn’t end.* The bad news is that most of us have to return to work. I’m working on that ever-elusive dream of doing what I love so that it doesn’t feel like work. But until then every weekend is not long enough and every Friday seems out of my reach on Monday.

The best way to get through a case of the Monday’s is to be reminded of where you want to be and actively work on getting it. This is a lesson I learned a few weeks ago when my homie Maiah** and I attended the Rising Affluent conference in New York City. It was a conference geared to black and latino young professionals to help them advance and achieve their goals.

Trust me, I didn’t know what to expect when I woke up at 6am on a Saturday morning (grumpy) but when it was over I felt that I could take over the world. What’s better than feeling you can take over the world on Monday (specially since you basically beat death on Saturday)?

Here are three ways you can start working on your dreams and beat a case of the Mondays.

Be The Best at What You’re Doing

What if I hate what I’m doing you ask. The answer is: it doesn’t matter. You never know who is watching. You never know the connections you can make. The point is to create opportunities by always producing excellent quality work.  Be better than the best. Whether you’re working retail or working at an office. There is no option.

Have a positive mindset

There is something to be said about self fulfilling prophecies. Nelson Boice, who spoke on a Rising Affluent panel, explained it best; there are people who say “I can” and people who say “ I can’t”. Both are correct. There may be obstacles, there may be set backs, but if you give up you will never reach your goals. The “I can” attitude is what separates those who do from those who don’t. What side are you on?

Challenge Yourself

 

Don’t be afraid of putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. There is a long history of people who were not happy in the position they were in and decided to do something about it (civil rights, dream act). That is when change occurs. When you’re too scared of the unknown. When you do something most people would call you crazy for. Don’t forget your vision. Don’t forget that the only way to reach your dreams is to take a chance.

Ready to take over the world? Or at least ready to follow your dreams? Make it happen.

*Shout out to my sister Claudia for calling every single person in the family to tell them she loves them pre-rapture. Then, for calling everyone again to let them know she survived the end of the world. Yes, that’s my family.

** check her out at www.writingwithwine.com

we don’t like to work (but i couldn’t be a housewife) January 14, 2011

ugh

Friend: Seriously, I think I’m going to give myself a disease. That way I can get a few days off work.

Me: It’s that serious?

Friend: Nothing big. Just something that requires me to have a procedure. Any ideas?

Me: *blinks twice* (silence)

That was a real conversation with a good friend a few weeks ago. She is fed up with work and she’s not the only person in my life who is. Any given day I can check my facebook homepage, my twitter timeline, my Gchat conversations and someone is complaining about their jobs.

“ I wonder why they don’t fire me so I can collect unemployment?”

“ I should just quit and move back with my parents”

“ I’m bored. I’ve learned everything I need to learn here, I need to move on.”

To be honest, sometimes I feel this way too. Some days I sit at my desk and my imagination runs wild. I have fantasies of becoming a lady who luncheons with my friend Mai. We make up elaborate fantasies of meeting up for lunch and discussing our charities while our tiny puppies in our purses bark at strangers on the sidewalk. Like a Kardashian or one of those Real Housewives who aren’t really married on Bravo.

Except, I can’t imagine enjoying a life of lunching and strolling around Manhattan with my tiny puppy. For one, I am terrified of dogs. I’m that person, who crosses the street if I see one coming my way (Pit-bull, Chihuahua, Scooby Doo, I don’t care I’m running). For B, I would get bored and would want to do something more. That’s exactly what I think is happening with all of us in our twenties who would go as far as to fake an illness just to get out of work*.

It’s the collective A.D.D. that makes us want more and the myth that we should all have it together by thirty. It’s either get married, be successful at the one career you chose or better yet have both. We get discouraged if we’re not living that dream. We get scared that if we don’t have it all figured out by a certain age then life ends and we can’t try.

I say let’s stop coming up with schemes and let’s start trying out different things. I get it, we all have responsibilities but we can’t just remain stagnant in something that makes us unhappy. Hate your job? Find something else to do. Have a talent you want the world to know about? Nurture it and find a way to make the everyone pay attention. Don’t know what you want? Make a list and start trying new things. Regardless of age or everyone else’s expectations.

I could never be just a housewife but I also refuse to stay where I’m unhappy.

Do you feel the same way my friends do? What are you going to do about it?

* My friend the other day sent me a text from an Emergency Room. Why? Cause she would have rather gone to the emergency room than stay at her job. An IV, Benadryl, and a Catscan later the diagnosis was “work is giving you stress”. My response: Duh.

On being the oldest child (no respect) November 4, 2010

such is my life.

I am the oldest of 3. Being the oldest has its perks. Your parents never had a baby before you, therefore you get photo album upon photo album dedicated to you. You also get to be the center of the universe, that is, until your parents decide to gift you with a little sibling. Once you get a little sibling you get to boss them around. I mean, you get someone to play with who looks up to you.

 

That is unless you’re in my family.

 

I come from a family who lived in the Dominican Republic most of their lives. Whenever anyone was going anywhere everyone wanted to come along. No one was ever left behind and space wasn’t an issue. You just made it work. This mentality remains intact even while living in New York City.

 

“Road trip? Sure! Bring everyone you’ve ever met. Of course we all fit in this little car.”

 

What does that mean for me? That means that until the age of 18, I still had to sit on someone’s lap to take a road trip to target. Or if we were lucky to have a van available I would have to sit between the seat and the door. on.the.floor. Meanwhile my sisters were either in seats, or in a more comfortable sitting situation. Well, about as comfortable as you could be with 12 other people in an 8 passenger van.

 

I made the decision a long time ago that I wouldn’t do that to my future children. Luckily, I grew up and left those days behind me.

 

That is until last Saturday.

 

I went to pick up my mom for an afternoon of shoe shopping and then I would drop her off at the hair salon. I walk into her apartment with my SO* to find my mom, my youngest sister, her fiancé, her fiancé’s daughter (also known as the baby. Really cute kid not gonna lie), my cousin and my uncle all scattered about. I walk into the bathroom where my sister is putting on her makeup to say hello.

 

“listen” she whispers “ I’m going to the salon with mom and I’m bringing the baby. The thing is that she needs to be in the car seat or else your SO will get a ticket.”

 

“Of course” I tell her. Everyone fits. She can sit in the back with my mom and the baby in the car seat. Perfect. I move on to my mother’s bedroom where she is getting dressed for our shoe shopping excursion.

 

“Ven aqui (come here)” she whispers “ Your uncle needs a ride down to the city, I told him you and your SO would take him. We all fit right??”

 

Of course we don’t. Because this is a five passenger car and we are 6 people and a car seat. I tell her that but she brushes me off. Of course we fit.

 

And then we get to the car. Where everyone is in it comfortably and I’m standing outside the car.

 

“alright, I’m taking the train. See ya’ll in the city.” And just as I’m about to turn towards the train station my mom grabs me and says:

 

“Come on honey, just sit on my lap. Just like when you were little”

 

In that moment I couldn’t have been more embarrassed. That is until 10 minutes later when 6 people and a car seat are packed into a 5 passenger Nissan Maxima. The bottom half of my body is on my mother’s lap, the top half is sprawled over my sister’s lap.I kept having flashbacks to my childhood. I didn’t get any older child respect perks and now I don’t even get this is my SO’s car respect.

 

“Next time I come here I’m bringing extra metrocards! If anyone wants a ride, they can ride the subway. I’m too old for this!” I stand up for myself while my legs fall asleep. Meanwhile, my mom is on her cell phone, obviously not paying attention to me.

* Significant Other

Discussing Essence August 6, 2010

Dominicana Zoe Saldaña on the cover of Essence

If there is one thing that I love about today’s world is social media. Often times I hear news from Twitter before any news outlet. Sometimes, it’s complete and utter foolishness. For example, the confirmation that Bill Cosby had passed away. Immediately after there was a message from Bill Cosby, clearly upset, letting  people know via social media that he indeed is alive and kicking (BillCosby: Again, I’m rebuttaling rumors about my demise. But, I’m confirming I have an app).Awkward. Then there are times where real issues come up. One such event is that Essence, a magazine geared towards black women, hired, Ellianna Placas, a white fashion director (cutblog: Essence’ hires a white fashion director, backlash ensues http://nym.ag/b6UXVB).

Online fashion and style site Clutch magazine has an excellent article about Placas being hired. Honestly, I get the uproar.  What does this mean for black women working in the fashion industry? This is a magazine that has historically been held up as the one open door when all other seemed to be closed. However, that is not what I find interesting about the situation. The most interesting part was the comments left on the article. The conversation quickly changed from Essence somehow failing black women and moved to Placas being Latina and whether this made it more acceptable. For the record, Placas is not a Latina and is of Australian decent.

This is a comment left at The Black Snob:

@David Wise There are Black Latinas descended from African slaves the same way that there are Black Americans descended from African slaves and she is not Black.
Latin is a culture not a race, for example there are White Creoles and Black Creoles in New Orleans. J Lo (Spanish Latina, ancestors from Spain) is to Zoe Saldana (Black Latina ancestors from Africa) as Britney Spears (White American ancestors from Europe) is to Beyonce (Black American ancestors from Africa). – Mary

Is this necessarily true? Do Jennifer Lopez and Zoe Saldana have as much in common as Britney Spears and Beyonce? I can think of many ways in which Jennifer Lopez and Zoe Saldana differ. For one, Jennifer Lopez grew up in New York City while Zoe grew up in the Dominican Republic. But they both stem from islands in the Caribbean which means that at its core the family values and culture are very similar. Furthermore, the commenter is mistaken. Jennifer Lopez may have ancestors from Spain but it is also very likely that she has ancestors from Africa. The entire Caribbean has a history with slavery (Christopher Columbus anyone?).  

If the Essence situation where to be happening with a Latin publication the fact that one is lighter than the other would not matter. Because the message being distributed to Latina’s would be the same. We are one. This is what we go through. This is what fits different body types, etc. Don’t get me wrong. There is clear colorism all throughout Latin countries. Even Sammy Sosa bleached his skin because being lighter is considered more attractive. This is not only prevalent in Latin cultures but also within minority groups where one can find people from caramel to dark chocolate in complexion. Although, complexion should not be the reason why a person is right for a job or not.

At the end of the day I believe that there are certain situations that should cross the lines of race and color. If a person is qualified for a job and is sensitive to what they are representing then who cares who they are.  More importantly, it seems that while we outwardly support being more inclusive most of society still believes in certain things being more divisive. This can be applied not only to America but most of the world. I suggest we start learning more about commonalities and the things that bind us together rather that what separates us. Only then we’ll be able to make strides forward.

If you want to check out a really well written article on the Essence debacle head over to Clutch Magazine. They have some really interesting tid bits in the comments section of the article.  Here are some I picked out.

“I questioned that earlier in the discussion, and research leads me to believe that she is Latina. Her being part of the diaspora makes a difference to me personally and I think would be a good move for the mag.” — M

“The Black women’s voice is being silenced in all areas, and we are told that if we speak up we are racists. So now everybody can speak for us and about us but ourselves. If she is a Latina why not go work for magazines for Latinos? Why does diversity always fall on the backs of Black people? So we become diverse, but no one else does and it is Black people who are not being hired. I believe there is more to this story that is being told. Give it 1 to 2 years and Essence will be a multicultural magazine. Watch!”– KC

“White women are taking our men while Latino women are taking our jobs. Almost every store I go into these days have all Spanish people as employees. Maybe the companies are making some kind of profit to hire them, I don’t know. Here’s something I do know, all of a sudden everybody wants a black man. That’s just another form of disrespect and a way to once again, take something from us. If u wanna black man, hang around black women and I’m sure Ms Latino knows that!!! I’m surprised at Essence, they’re doing what everybody else doing… We can’t have nothing , can we?? No other race lets us into their circle without having a motive and we constantly let them in with open arms. Don’t be surprised when Essence Magazine is owned by Latinos and there’s not a black face on any page. That’s how they work… together!!!!! We shouldn’t even be called Black people anymore, disrespected people is a better name!!!!” –V

 

Discuss.